Thursday, December 01, 2005


Today I have been on the verge of tears since I crawled out of bed at quarter to five this morning.

There was a big mess up at work, and my manager is trying to pin it on me and my two other co-workers. We are fighting back full force as the problem was not our fault and management needs to take responsibility. It may cost all three of us our jobs if she does not take ownership. And we have been threatened with termination. My thoughts are fucking go for it! In the words of Dirty Harry "Make my day..."

Today, I really don't care about anything. I'm at the bottom of the well, slumped down in the murky water wishing it would just cover my head and take me away. The funny thing is, I'm trying desperately not to burn or cut myself. So in retrospect, I guess I do care...

I have reached out to friends, tried talking to them, but they are in a rather messy spot as well and we are ending up triggering each other. I can't seem to find the music that will soothe and alleviate some of the feelings I'm feeling - which I don't even know what they are! Writing this right now is not really helping either, it just doesn't feel a therapeutic as it usually is.

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