Thursday, December 29, 2005

Why?

Why do I hurt so much?

Why do I hate myself so much?

Why did he have to hurt me?

Why did no one protect me?

Why did the grown ups look the other way and let him hurt me?

Why didn't anyone help me?

Why didn't anyone see what was happening?

Why didn't anyone pick up on the signs?

Why couldn't anyone see I was suicidal?

Why can't they see that I still am suicidal?

Why doesn't anyone notice I hurt myself?

Why don't people ask whats wrong when I'm withdrawn and "spaced" out?

Why does my family have to hurt me?

Why didn't the doctor do anything when I had a mysterious infection "there" when I was 7?

Why didn't the doctor wonder why I was always getting bladder infections?

Why didn't the doctor do anything about the scars on my inner thighs?

Why did she stay with him after my sister told?

Why didn't she protect me?

Why did she always yell and hit me?

Why am I always so angry?

Why am I so scared?

Why can't I feel things like a "normal" person?

Why can't I cry?

Why can't I trust anyone?

Why can't I trust myself?

Why can't I look myself in the eye in the mirror?

Why am I sad most of the time?

Why am I always on an emotional roller coaster?

WHY?

1 comment:

solaris said...

There ain't any answers to those questions honey. I used to ask myself similar questions all the all time.

Oh, you should write a book about your journey. You have a way with words.