Confessions

OK.. so I have to get something off my chest.

I made a promise to myself and I broke it. I'm disappointed, but only slightly.

When I make promises to others, I do my absolute best to keep them. After all, we are only as good as our word. I am firm believer in that.

So...

I promised myself that I wouldn't smoke pot anymore. Well, I broke that promise. This past weekend, I got seriously messed up. It was a mind and body stone - the kind where you're just struck dumb and everything is funny. I drank a bottle of my favorite wine smoked a joint with friends. It erased everything, my past, my present and the future. It was a few hours of complete and utter escape. I must say I really enjoyed it, and that kind of scares me. As I said before, I had a real problem with pot and alcohol in high school. Now I am drinking Friday and Saturday night, no exceptions. I'm starting to couple in pot with the alcohol to complete the numbing effect, and presto! Could have a real problem in no time flat!

The other problem is the fact that I like it. I really really like feeling that way. It's an escape from feeling shitty most of the time.

It is the magic eraser I have been wanting for so long, it just wipes everything out. I know the other time I smoked, it brought everything up and it was incredibly hard to keep the face on, to stuff everything down. This past weekend was the complete opposite.

I liked it.

And it scares me...