Tuesday, January 10, 2006


There is something there... some feeling or memory, something.

Something is eating away at me.

It's driving me crazy.

I don't know what it is.

I'm trying to dig beneath the surface. But it's not working, I can't get there and I don't what it is.

It's a feeling of uneasiness. Wow! I named another new feeling!

I really dislike this feeling and not knowing what is there...

On the other hand... I now know what is wrong with my knee.

My knee cap slides over the tendons and the bones that hold it in place, which is causing the bursa sack to slowly rupture, hence the fluid build up in my knee. The cartilage under my knee cap is being chipped off every time it slides off course which is causing the cracking. So all in all, it's incredibly painful and some days I am unable to walk, I just kinda hobble or hop! I have exercises to do that will strengthen the muscles to help reduce the symptoms and was told to take Motrin for pain and swelling. There's not much they can do for me at this point except knee replacement, but I'm having that done at my age. Maybe in ten years or so...

I also got sleeping pills! Clonazepam - it's actually seizure medication. But it controls some stuff in the brain that will help with my nightmares and causes drowsiness so I'll actually fall asleep. I haven't had a chance to read up on it very much yet, but I will find out exactly how it works and which chemicals and neurotransmitters it affects. I'll be taking my first pill tomorrow so we'll see how it goes....

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