So I've been avoiding my blog since I posted last... I keep going back and forth between being ready to talk about it and wanting it to just go away.
I know it won't ever just go away, I've wasted years trying to will all this bullshit away to no avail and I really don't want to keep wasting my time, or anyone else's for that matter.
I have this pattern, and I'm very aware of the pattern or habit or whatever the fuck you want to call it... maybe more like a circle since that what I feel like, going around in circles!
I can talk about "stuff" one day, the next day, not a chance. Trying to get anything out of me is like pulling teeth from an alligator with your bare hands - point being, it's next to impossible! And unfortunately, it's more often teeth days than it is anything else. It drives me crazy, it really really frustrates me. It's there, everything I want to say is on the tip of my tongue but it's like there's some force clamping it down and nothing can get out except for "I dunno" or "yeah" I even do it with myself when something comes up like a nightmare or flashback...
Is that denial or avoidance?
Or a lovely combination of both with a super-size coke on the side?