I have read you blog for the first time today, and after reading today's entry I went back and had a look at your past posts, most of them.
I am an incest survivor too and I have been in and out of counselling for years now.
I think that what you say you have accomplished in the last year is very good. Don´t shrug your shoulders.
Getting out of a bad, abusive relationship is a huge and difficult step.
Gaining control over self harming habits and drug use is also very hard. I still go into phases with the drug use.
Not being so closed off, and being more honest, I think it does say a lot about facing trust and self esteem issues, which for me are the hardest.
Naming your feelings and being able to cry. Well, it seems to me that you have spent a lot of time not ever considering that your feelings do matter. It might not seem like a lot, but I would say it is quite important.
A year is not that long, the "unhealthy" ways of coping have been with you for a lot longer.
I guess one just have to keep at it. Is not easy, is not always clear were you are going, but I guess you already know were not doing it leads you.
I did also have a problem to talk with my counsellor about certain things. After some time I just told her that, that there were things that i was kind of keeping even though i would like to talk about them.
Some time after that I started talking about it. it wasn´t immediate, and it was more like just dropping things here and there, but it was a start.
I don´t know if any of this is of any interest or use to you. I hope so.
Thank you taking the time to read my blog and commenting. Your words have given me a lot to think about and I thank you for that.
You are absolutely correct in saying that I have spent a lot of time not ever considering that my feelings matter. In many ways, they still don't matter.
I'm going to post your comment because right now it's playing on my mind heavily. I'm still processing what you said, but I find your words inspiring and filled with hope.