Part 1 - feelings

I've read what I wrote about a million times and the only feeling that is constant is anger. Anger seems to be the feeling for most things, the one feeling I allow myself to experience freely. The one feeling I don't try to bottle up and ignore. I wonder why it's OK for me to be angry and not sad...

Anger.

I am angry. I want to break things, I want to throw things, I want to throw myself on the floor and have a full fledged temper tantrum, flailing around like a fish out of water screaming all the while. I want to punch and kick holes in the wall.

I want to see him right now. I want to claw his eyes out, kick and punch and push and stab and cut and burn and maim and... I want to hurt him.

For the first time I'm solely angry at him! There is no anger being directed towards to myself, it's all him. 100% percent him... as it should be.