Tuesday, February 14, 2006

And it's here

V-Day.

It's all in my head. I'm doing this to myself. I must be. I've got to somehow learn to let go and stop torturing myself. I thought by writing out my rape, getting the poison out, it would alleviate what I was dreading would happen today.

Boy was I wrong.

I'm wrought with grief, sadness, pain. The tears are trying to come, but I won't let them. I can't deal with this right now.

My boyfriend is taking me out for a romantic dinner at an unknown restaruant. He won't tell me where we are going, and honestly, that scares me. I know he's trying to be sly and romantic and stuff, but it really has me freaked out. I think it has to do with control.

I don't think I'm ready to celebrate today.

8 comments:

bubba35 said...

It has everything to do with control. When you were raped that is the ultimate loss of control ,especially for a woman.
Your right to share your most itimate part of who you on your own terms was taken from you. That is something that you have every right to have fear over.
It is about fighting all of these battles one at a time. If you can (and he is aware of what happened) you need to in a kind and loving way express to him that you are not real comfortable with him doing that. If he truly cares he will understand. Keep in mind if you do not set the conditions of relationships with others they will do it for you.
Take Care of yourself

Revolutionary Blogger said...

Wishing you a happy V-day...may everything go well today!

Nunzia said...

i do hope you had a nice Valentine's Day. I read somewhere today that sometimes it's best not to dig around in the past and bring up painful memories, sometimes remembering it can be as tramatic as experiencing it. i'm not saying you will ever forget, but i hope you were able to think about other things.. i hope you had a really romantic night with someone who loves and cares for you. you are in my prayers.

Holly said...

We never are survivor, but you will make it and take it one day at a time!

survivor said...

Wow Bubba!!

One day at a time...

This too shall pass...

Thanks!

survivor said...

Thanks Rev, Happy V-Day to you too :o)

survivor said...

Thank you Nunzia. It turned out to be a pretty OK day. Take care of you

survivor said...

Well said Holly.