Monday, February 20, 2006

Dresden Dolls

::::bad habit:::::

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

and pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck and scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....

5 comments:

The Missing Link said...

Hello fellow survivor... I am struggling myself each and every day, wondering why all of the confusion, pains, angers, guilts & lightening-rod memories just won't leave me the F* alone. I am alone, empty & drained on the inside; I am sociable, funny & attractive on the outside. Don't judge a book by it's cover, right? Especially when your story was written for you by your rapist.

I beg you to keep writing and sharing. More often than not, I wonder what good that even does anymore, but I am still alive for some reason or another - despite the multiple suicide attempts & reckless behavior.

We have to remember that we are still alive, though... and as long as we are still alive, we have to give it our best shot to keep on living the best we can... no matter how dead we feel.

Please write me if you ever need/want to... codebleu11@aol.com

The worst feeling of all is feeling like you are doing this alone...

Holly said...

Hi Survivor,
I listen to the song twice, too loud the first time. I thought you would laugh at that one. Must be my old age checking me out!
I found the song interesting. I hope you will see the destruction in the song. Take care and your still surviving to me. Remember the journey is not easy but it can get better in time. Take care from Holly

survivor said...

Hey Holly,
Thanks for the giggle! The song is very destructive, it's the song I play when I'm tempted to cut or burn myself and it reduces the urge.

Revolutionary Blogger said...

Survivor,

I hope you are doing better, and not tempted to cut or burn yourself. I also hope you got the opportunity to get yourself tested.

If you need to talk, you can also contact me at energycrisisnow@gmail.com

Although I can't claim to be a fellow survivor, someone very close to me went through the same things you mention in your blog.

Take care!
-Rev.

survivor said...

Thanks Rev! Greatly appreciated :o)