Friday, February 24, 2006

Am I Dwelling?

Dwell: To fasten ones attention: kept dwelling on what went wrong

I guess I am dwelling.

I'm really confused now.

I got his reply.

You're not the same person I once knew, you've changed too much. You're dwelling on what happened to you. You need to move on, maybe not forget, but certainly move on. You're not very much fun to be around anymore and I can't take your mood swings either. I never know if you're going to be happy and loving life or so quiet and withdrawn you just stare off into space. I don't mean to hurt you, that's not my intention. Sorry.

I dunno...

This is... (was??) my best friend...

This is why I don't say anything, why I just take whatever it is people throw at me. It's easier, and they only get to hurt me once...

I want to curl up in a ball, in a cocoon and cry, scream, grieve for old losses and for new ones...

Whatever

3 comments:

The Missing Link said...

OH, FUCK HIM!!!! I am so sorry for his reply, but at least now you have it. At least now you know where he stands/how he feels. Perhaps he doesn't mean to hurt you... but it does hurt so much b/c you believe he should understand - but are staring at the proof that he just doesn't get it. A hurt like this - especially from a man that you've trusted and let in - makes it seem like you are being abused and raped all over again. Instances like this (w/people passing in & out of our lives) AFTER surviving our own traumatic/horrifying experience only feels like we keep reliving it. That's my struggle anyway - figuring out how to quit feeling like I keep getting raped over and over again. It feels like it will never end, doesn't it?

But it has ended... it's up to us to jumpstart our lives again. Please take extra care of yourself! You are healing everyday!!

Sometimes we have to go thru the bad to get to the good. The good awaits, my dear... be bold and chase after it!!

Revolutionary Blogger said...

Wise words from missing link. Stay strong!

Holly said...

Hi Survivor,
It is difficult to know people we cared about have trouble with understanding our pain. I personally have learned it may not even be that understanding is the problem. It is how can I help? I do not understand what to do?
What could he do to help? He does not know! Only time will tell, if it is a true friend in the end all of this will worked out. I hope you know what I mean, remember it is not your problem. It is his for not knowing that this is important to you. Take care heal, enjoy life, and learn from this experience.