Sunday, October 16, 2005

Tomorrows Blame

No matter how many times I hear it is not my fault and that I did nothing to deserve it, it does not matter. No matter how times I tell myself that it is not my fault and that I did nothing to deserve it, it does not matter.

Today, it is my fault. Tomorrow it may not be. Today is what matters, for I do not know what tomorrow holds.

I am terrified of tomorrow. Tomorrow could hold much sadness and pain. Tomorrow could be my failure and loss of strength. Tomorrow could be a day of new memories and flashbacks. Tomorrow could be a day of great trials.

Tomorrow I may blame my abusers. Tomorrow I may have a world of strength and courage. Tomorrow I may conquer a fear. Tomorrow I may not have a new memory or flashback. Tomorrow I may smile.

I blame tomorrow for what happens today for the tomorrow I fear may not come at all.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What if today there is a girl that is going through what you went through as a kid?

How could you help?

Fallen Rose said...

I still go through this myself. Every day I go to bed terrified and every morning I wake up terrified. And this is what goes through my mind.