Friday, October 21, 2005

The Aftermath

After much processing from yesterdays much celebrated accomplishment I have reached the conclusion that it was not an accomplishment.

Accomplishments generally leave a person feeling good, proud of themselves for overcoming their task and completing it.

"Something completed successfully; an achievement"

Granted, yesterday I was proud of myself. I was feeling very brave and strong for having shared the memory. Today however is another story!

The tomorrow I feared is here. I feel weak; I feel like a failure. Exactly where this is emanating from I do not know. Perhaps it is my inner critic taking over. That thought only enforces the feelings of failure. Perhaps I feel weak because I shared. For the first time I truly opened myself to vulnerability and although there were no negative ramifications at the time, I am feeling the effects of being told that I am disgusting and deserving of such treatment. Now this is where it gets nonsensical - no one has told me that. No one except perhaps the inner critic.

I believe the inner critic is winning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have days like that too. Sometimes the inner critic volume is very low and I think over it, other days its screaming and I can't hear anything else inside.