Please, if you need help, reach out. Reach out to me again if you need to.
Reach out to a trusted friend, teacher, member of your community. Anyone who you feel comfortable with, anyone who you trust.
There are many resources available to you. Please do not be afraid to use them. I have listed some very helpful resources on my site, maybe you can take a look and perhaps as a first step contact one of them.
I can understand and probably know how scared, alone, ashamed, embarrassed, dirty and disgusting you may feel. Please ask for help, I know it's hard and it's beyond terrifying, but you deserve to be helped. You DESERVE to be safe.