I saw T yesterday. I was so uncomfortable; I really didn't want to be there. I found myself angry for some reason and incredibly closed off.
I'm also finding myself frustrated with T. I don't think we mesh very well. I feel like she doesn't really hear me or let me talk. She leads every session without giving me the opportunity to talk about something I may need to talk about. But at the same time, I won't talk about anything anyway. I'm not comfortable with her. I find her kind of creepy actually! A few sessions back T talked about ****possible triggers**** sexual arousal being normal when experiencing sexual abuse and she compared it to changing a babies diaper. She said when cleaning a penis a little boy can have an erection from the stimulation but that it is completely innocent and a normal reaction. That absolutely freaked me out; I didn't tell her that though. I don't feel safe in her home office. And while talking about it she was kind of giggling, out of nerves or maybe from the look on my face, I don't know. I felt safe at one point. I really don't know what is going on with me. When I asked T why she would offer a reduced rate she talked for about 10 minutes about how I'm such a special person and she cares... it was a load of bullshit really. The way she talks to me, I dunno, I feel like she's lying to my face trying to boost me up and I'm not buying it. Should I talk to her about it?