Monday, August 28, 2006

So much can happen in so little time...

It's been a week since I last posted but it feels like a lifetime ago.

One my dearest friends has moved away. It was a very sad day last Thursday as we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch while he is away for a year. I know it's only a year and with the Internet it will be almost like he's still here, I will miss him terribly. He has a way of keeping me grounded and bringing the "real" me out...

The session with T last week went rather well. I was shocked really as I was almost ready to give up. I didn't talk to her about what I had mentioned previously but I felt more in control of the session and what we talked about than I ever have with T. We spent a lot of time talking about how I perceive myself to be the rock and how I'm responsible for everything, even things beyond my control. T challenged me in ways I haven't been challenged before and it helped to see from a different perspective how ridiculous that really is. I'm further along in understanding that I'm not responsible for my father, for Byron (the rape) or for my ex-husband. Further along, but so far away...

I talked to my sister yesterday. We haven't spoken in almost a year, and if it wasn't for my niece or nephew I wouldn't have talked to her. I actually went and saw them yesterday as well. It was incredible seeing the kids again. My niece ran up to me and jumped in my arms and gave me a huge hug... I didn't want to let her go! I can't believe how much she has grown, she's a beautiful little girl.

My nephew of course ran and hid when I got there. I had to go find him, which was rather easy because he was giggling. We did the knuckle shake (closed fist banged against the others close fist) and I gave him a noogie! He's grown a lot too and put on some weight which is awesome - the kid was skin and bones last time I saw him. We spent a lot of time talking and he talked to me about how much he hates school, and how his parents treat him (which is like crap) I choked back tears talking to him because he's my little man, not so little anymore I guess though, he's 13! I missed him like crazy. He said he missed having me to talk to because I'm cool and easy to talk to! He also asked when I was going to take him shopping because I'm the coolest Auntie and find the coolest clothes!! What a kid!

This week is going to be super busy. My boyfriend and I are going to Vancouver and Tofino for a week. I'm getting excited, more-so to take him there and see the look on his face when we get into Vancouver. The biggest city he has ever been in is the one we live in, and a million people is really not that big!

I'm also looking forward to the in person session with C. I remember last year in our first face to face I was beyond terrified and spent most of the time forcing myself to act calm. This time it will be different, we've been working together for over a year and I'm really comfortable with C. I want to delve into some heavy stuff during the two hour session but I don't really know where to start. Do I talk about how I'm discovering how the SA is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend? Do I talk about memories and the awful things he did to me? The nightmares? Or all of it?


Patricia Pomeroy Tanner said...

I'm sure that your T can help you a lot. I don't know if you will want to visit my blog or not. You have likely heard it all!


survivor said...

Thanks Patricia

Wanda's Wings said...

Sounds like things are looking up. Busy is sometimes better. I'm glad the kiddos where so uplifting to you. Good luck with C. Get out as much as you can, it always helps.
((Safe hugs))

cheesemeister said...

The niece and nephew sound great! I wish I had a niece or nephew but my brother's wife doesn't want kids so they'll never have any.
I'd say talk about whatever comes to mind with "C" first. Anywhere you start will lead to help on all the other stuff since it's all interconnected.

Breeya said...

I am sorry that because of your sister you don´t enjoy your niece and nephew more often. They sound great.

Hope you enjoy the rtip with your byfriend.

Abuut the session with C, maybe you have time to cover seveal things.
Hope you have a good session.

jumpinginpuddles said...

you talk about whatever you want to and remember you have the choices now so you can choose