Monday, July 24, 2006


Have you felt complacent with being discontented? Like things are falling apart around but you just don't give a damn anymore?

Let it all fall. Shatter to a million pieces... the echo reverberating.


For the past few days I've adopted a whatever attitude. I don't give a damn if I don't wake up tomorrow. I don't give a damn if I do. I'm just here. Flesh and bones, blood and breath but nothing more.

It doesn't matter what I do, or what I don't do. It doesn't matter who I am, or who I may become. I'm just an ant in the farm, scurrying around in the mix of a billion other ants.

I've dodged the black boot many times trying not to be crushed. I'm not dodging it anymore. If it happens, I'll welcome it, if it doesn't I'll silently curse and just keep scurrying.


jumpinginpuddles said...

yes you may not but others do and althought it doesnt mean much at the time it can be important but sure get what yo uare saying :)

Wanda's Wings said...

Don't give up. The "Black boots" in this world can NOT win. You hang in there!
((((hugs form a friend)))))

Marj aka Thriver said...

I've been reading your last several posts. Sounds like you've really had a rough time lately. I'm sorry I haven't been around much to support you. I feel like I'm running on a treadmill and I just can't catch up to where I feel I need to be.

Please know that I'm thinking of you and sending healing vibes through the universe. Hey, if it helps at all--you do some damn good writing, even when you feel like nothing matters. It's SOMETHING. Hang in there best you can.

survivor said...

JIP - thanks for letting me know I'm not alone...

Wanda - I'll try not too ((((safe hugs back at ya))))

Marj - Sorry you're feeling like you're going nowhere (((((marj))))) but thanks much for the compliment! :)

Holly said...

You feel hollow, but your spirit is trying to pull you out! You will win the battle, you will dodge the black boot. In my thoughts and call anytime!

cheesemeister said...

I go through this whenever I'm depressed. Every day feels like a fight but sometimes it feels like I'm just fighting out of habit, like a robot. I hope you get your will back soon!

survivor said...

Thanks Holly, and I will call ya this week sometime (((((safe hugs))))

Cie, sorry you've been here and feel like this when you get depressed, it's not much fun. Thanks for the encouragement (((((safe hugs))))))