Monday, November 21, 2005


I put myself in a risky situation this weekend, and I am proud to say I didn't fall to temptation.

I went to a house party, there was a lot of drinking and drugs. I barely drank anything, was offered numerous times to join in on the smoke fest, and I declined each time, granted, there was probably enough by-product in the house to cause some ill effect. I was actually fairly uncomfortable with the amount of drugs that were being passed around, I left the area and congregated to another room in the house with some friends and we had our own party until everyone else was finished destroying their brain cells.

I had a great time all in all, made some new friends, laughed till I couldn't laugh anymore. Great break from reality.

However, I was triggered a few times. Once when a friend tackled me and gave me a zerbert on my tummy. It freaked me right out, and he's a rather large guy, but I managed to flip him over and get myself free. I knew he was just playing around, but it really scared me to have a man tackle me, overtake me and pin me. I had a very vivid flash. To cover it up, I just started laughing and joking that he got overpowered by a girl. Another trigger was when these two guys started talking about raping someone; they were joking around. I didn't even realize I was talking until I said what I said, but I told them something along the lines of it not being a joke, but that it is the worst thing to do someone and how would they feel if it was their sister that was raped. It stopped that conversation dead in its tracks and a couple people actually got after them for joking around with something so serious.

I'm shocked I said something. I usually don't stand up for myself, especially in a group setting. I guess that would be another marked change in me.

I've been avoiding doing my homework that was given to me by my counsellor. It's a very tough, touchy subject. But I promised no resistance, and the trust is not an issue anymore. Something happened that has built up the trust incredibly, there is not really a question about whether I can trust my counsellor. It's an odd feeling actually, no one has ever earned this much trust before. It is a little disconcerting... but all in all, it's a very positive thing the trust has been established more so than it ever has been.

I have been overcoming quite a few hurdles lately, here's to hoping the momentum keeps going...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

WAy to go for not goin crazy at hte party. proud of ya sweetie