Wednesday, November 23, 2005


I am incredibly anxious and scared.

I go see my cardiologist today for a check up per se. A check up entails an ECG and a very painful ultrasound of my heart. The ultrasound is painful, because one, I'm female and two, they press really hard to get images.

I don't much care for doctors and avoid seeing them at all costs. When my ex husband broke my elbow and gave me a grade 3 concussion, I didn't go to the doctor. I went to work instead. A co-worker/friend had to drag me to her car and drive me there, it didn't matter that I was in severe pain and incredibly dizzy, I wasn't going easily. And the fact that I had to lie to cover up what really happened, thankfully it was winter and I said I slipped on some ice.

Back on track here...

I'm terrified of going to see the cardiologist, every time I go, the results come back showing more problems and he tries to convince me to have the Radio-frequency catheter ablation procedure done which just terrifies me to my very core.

I have PSVT - Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia - the name is scary in and of itself. Basically, I get severe heart palpitations and a racing heart rate. It happens very often, usually I am able to control it with the Valsalva maneuver - basically holding my breath and bearing down. I refuse to go the hospital, even when the Valsalva maneuver doesn't work. The first time I went 3 years ago was the first attack that wouldn't stop, also the day I got diagnosed! It felt like my heart was going to explode. I walked into the ER, waited in line to see the triage nurse, told her my heart was beating really fast, they hooked me up to a monitor, the next thing I knew I was in a stretcher surrounded by nurses and a doctor. I had 3 IVs in me, a heart monitor and they were doing an ECG. And here I am, lying on this stretcher terrified thinking I am going to die. I asked a nurse "Am I going to die" her reply "Well we try to prevent that here, but it's a very real possibility." Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but kudos to her for being honest! The doctor tells me that he is going to press very hard on my carotid artery and if that fails, they will need to give me a drug that stops my heart and then zap me back to life. Not what I wanted to hear either! So he grabs my throat and presses incredibly hard, I thought my eyes were going to bug out of my head! Slowly, my heart starts to slow down. They wouldn't let me look at the heart monitor, but I did manage to get a peek at it, 338 beats per minute. One way to get an awesome cardio workout I guess!

I know I should probably have the procedure done as the PSVT is increasing in frequency, but a part of me (rather large part of me) would rather gamble and take my chances. The odds of dying from this are very marginal, whereas the odds for dying during the procedure are that much higher.

Funny... here I am, once a very suicidal person concerned about dying...

Breathe... just breathe...

1 comment:

calvin n hobbes said...

sup i also have psvt n its scry as hell i had the surgry thingie dun n it didnt do shit