Sexually Abused by my father. Raped as a young adult.
This is my story.
damn survivor - love this song. "everybody knows that something's wrong, but nobody knows what's really going on..."couldn't have said it better myself...[sigh]it just sucks so much right now because we are letting ourselves feel what we have never wanted to feel our entire lives... the older we get, the more time it has to grow inside of us... and the more it hurts as it rips away and out of us - our evidence of letting it all go...we're doing good, survivor. even if we're just feeling really bad, we are still doing really good... especially since we hate to feel anything at all. to let ourselves feel ANYTHING at all is doing really, really good.it means we are allowing ourselves to have emotions - thus, allowing ourselves "the rights of a normal" human being"... the right to feel.a big, comforting, safe hug to you... take care of yourself...
Dear Survivor:I found your blog through a "recently updated" link and have spent the last three hours reading every word you wrote (and nearly every reply, too). Thank you for being so candid about your experiences. I have been thinking about getting therapy to deal with my own experiences but... I'm afraid. However, reading your blog has made me feel like I'm not so alone and that what I'm feeling is - I hate to use this word - normal. I read what you write and I see myself in your words. Thank you for your courage in telling your story. Stay strong. Do NOT give up.
ML - you're right. At least feeling something, even if it is terrible. Thanks for pointing out the positive in a very negative situation. Much love my friend...be good to you and take careAnon - Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. Can never get enough encouragement! I'm glad reading my journey helped you feel not so alone. I know how scary it is to ask for help, but I also know how needed it is. Take good care of you...
Hi,I just found your site and have been reading your story -- I know this pain (I was abused for years by an older brother/my so called mother was aware of the abuse but did nothing to stop it) -- I spent years afterwards trying to "stay" in my family which required "forgiving and forgetting" the abuse: what a lark!!! The abuser is like poison; they are a walking memory of pain. It took me years to figure this out (I am 44). I cut ties with my mother about 10 yrs ago but stayed in contact with my brother/abuser until two years ago when I was getting married and realized that I could not invite this toxic person to my wedding. Talk about a wake-up call!It's really hard cut ties with family (and it has to be your choice) but I believe that it is a major part of the healing process. Unless the abuser is taking complete responsibility for their actions (a rarity) and willing to go to therapy (or jail) their continued presence can be nothing but toxic. I can't imagine how much denial they must be in to be in their victims presence. Sweet girl, wrap that pink blanket of love around yourself and know that there is real love in the world for you. Do something really sweet for yourself: music, bath with essential oils, bake some muffins..... whatever can bring you to that place of "it's ok."I hope that this is helpful -- it's been helpful for me to write it as I have been feeling low for that past while and needed this reminder myself.C
C - WOW! Doing what you did took a lot of courage and strength. Be proud! I'm sorry you had to go through what you did, no one deserves that.Thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement. It is helpful,a nd I'm glad you also found it helpful.Take care
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