Survivor of Rape and Incest: Running On Empty

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Running On Empty

I feel like screaming. Yelling. Shouting. Breaking something.

I'm fucked no matter which way I turn.

I've been on my own for almost a year now. In that year I think I've undone everything C or T helped me do. I'm an emotional wreck that even the jaws of life couldn't save.

I'm scared to contact C again and ask for help, although I have figured out a way to pay for sessions... the good ol' tax refund. With that I would be able to have 10 sessions. I'm worried that I'll waste them, that I won't be able to talk after all this time has passed. Maybe I'll ask C for email sessions to begin with as I am better at writing my feelings and thoughts as opposed to verbalizing them. Or is that just a way out from my fear? I really don't know.

OK, I did it. I sent C an email asking if we could still work together.

Now I wait...