Monday, October 02, 2006

circles?

A couple days ago, after the conversation and my breakdown regarding my boyfriend, he turns around and starts talking about our wedding?!??

What the fuck?

It's easy to see why I'm confused and getting upset...

We were talking about Newfoundland, where he's from, and how a non-newfie is accepted and becomes an honorary newfie. It's kinda funny and gross how you become an honorary newfie by doing either of the following:

1 - kiss a cod fish EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!

2 - do a shot of screech - it's Jamaican rum and is supposedly disgusting, I'll take their word for it! Downing shots of hard liquor is not my thing anymore...

I told him I might do a shot of screech but I sure as hell am NOT kissing a cod fish. He told me I'll have to do the shot next summer when we go to Newfoundland because it might make me sick. I said nuh uh, not a chance... he replies with well would you rather do a shot and be sick in your wedding dress on our wedding day? My jaw dropped and I didn't say anything, I just laughed instead.

Am I spending too much time thinking about this shit?

The more I think about it, the more I think I should just live in the moment. But then I start thinking about how I want to know where I might be in a few years. Of course the thought of no one knows where they are going to be in a few years from now enters my mind and I'm going in circles...

It's starting to feel like he's screwing with my head... or is just scared to admit how he feels...

9 comments:

Chris said...

Personal experience leads me to believe that he is probably just scared of how he feels. You said he hasn't lived with a woman before - so all these feelings are probably a little weird for him.

I totally agree with wanting to know where you will be in the next few years (control issues, anyone? :-p). I say - talk to him again and tell him you need to know for real where he stands on this. Tell him you can't handle him saying one day that he doesn't know for sure if "you're the one" and the next day talking about your wedding - worked for me!

Good luck!!

Patricia Pomeroy Tanner said...

Hi dear lady,

Relationships are so difficult, even at their best. It is always a work in process but worth it, if you love each other. I know it hurt a lot when your boyfriend told you that he wasn't sure but I think it is better that you know that he is being honest with you. Some guys would have lied to you and made you think everything was alright and then wham, the surprise. I think you will weather this storm and be better off for it.

Prayers and blessings.

Patricia

jumpinginpuddles said...

not sure but maybe ask him if hes made up his mind that you are the right one becasue you arent kissing a fish ever again and not just for anyone ;) And if hes screwing with your head tell him youll make him eat the damn fish after youve kissed it ;)

a girl said...

hi survivor. first, i have to congratulate you for making this blog. although you did not post your name, it is definitely a brave and worthy thing to do. by the way i'm agatha (not my real name). i am also a rape and incest survivor. i just recently decided on coming out by making my own blog about my past and present pains i've had and been having. apart from wanting to unleash the negative emotions i have kept partly bottled up, i decided to make a blog to show other survivors that they are not alone. here is a link of my blog: http://www.leavesfall-lifecontinues.blogspot.com/ may i copy some of your links regarding rape and links of some inspirational stuff? may i also link my blog to yours?

about your boyfriend, i know you're mature and you're capable of making good decisions. i'm not going to advise you as to what to tell him or what to do in this situation. i just suggest that you think about matters and about what is best to do. i know it's a cliche, but i trust that you'll make the right decision after much deliberation. :)

a girl said...

oh my GOD! I read your content without paying attention to your template. i've been looking for a suitable template for my blog and my only option--as i am no web designer--was to download some of the free templates available online. i was shocked--after posting my first comment--to find out that you have exactly one of the templates i chose to use on my blog. (luckily for both of us, i couldn't download it)the second thing that shocked me was the line about your father. i was sexually abused by my father since i was 9. anyway, the coincidence was nothing less than i should pay attention to. i feel like this is telling me something. i can't believe i found your site. this must really mean something. maybe i'll know the answer at the right time.

Wanda's Wings said...

One word explaines this. He's a Man.

Breeya said...

hello survivor,

What you are saying about your boyfriend again remains me of myself.
I wouldn't say he is playing games, maybe he is just confused.
as I said before I am a bit like him, abut the not bein completely sure, and when it has cuased problems I guess I have reacted the same way. I've realised it hurts my broyfriend that I am not sure, and then I stop thinking why would I not be. I mean if I stop thinking about it I picture my future with him, so then why hurt him by not telling him that? I can't be sure I will work out to be like that, but I know that is how I imagine it, so then I make a similar comment to what your boyfriend did.

Hope you are ok. I understand how confusing all thi must be for you, and that is not easy to deal with.

cheesemeister said...

Is it a dead or live fish? Because if it was a live one I would expect it to at least do me the favor of not trying to slip me the tongue!
In all due seriousness, if you don't wish to drink whiskey you shouldn't have to feel pressured into doing so. I realize that I am bitchy and jaded from my bad experiences with romance, and I am not in the situation, but from what I've read here I sometimes wonder if this guy has your best interests at heart. Not trying to be a home-wrecker, but he really needs to consider how you feel.

survivor said...

Chris - thanks! LOL @ control issues... thats a whole other can o' worms!!

Thanks Patricia :)

Hi Agatha, nice to "meet" you! You for sure can link to my blog. Good luck with starting yours :)

Wanda, so simple, yet so complex!!

Thanks Breeya

Cie - no worries on the tongue! Eeeeewwww... in all seriousness it is up to me, and there's no chance in hell I'll do either. I just included that as the precursor to the conversation. :)