A comment left by someone triggered this post... They admitted something I've been utterly ashamed of admitting, even to myself at times... it's time for it to come out
At times, when I was a child, I would invite the abuse from my father.
It was usually the only attention I got, and sometimes, it made me feel special.
God, just reading that makes me sick.
I remember that sometimes I would sit on his knee, wrap my arms around him and just wait for him to touch me...
I guess that makes me ultimately fucked up
And it's only fueling the "it's my fault"