Friday, February 16, 2007

Odd

Well, I survived! Yay for me... and everyone else who makes it through the battle. Gold stars all around!

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it usually never is. The day came and went like any other. It was the day after and today that are proving to be a big struggle.

I'm feeling... I don't know. It's kind of like I'm just going through the motions of a living person, but not living. Taking each breath but not breathing.

I'm having a hard time concentrating and trying to write. My thoughts are all over the place.

I think I miss T and C but won't admit it. OK, yeah, I miss them. But at the same time I don't. I'm becoming the person I was, the person I know, whom I comfortable with. The one who doesn't have feelings, who doesn't really give a fuck what happens...

Fuck.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore

9 comments:

Lynn said...

Oh, honey, I know. When the last 'date' passed (I hate referring to it as an anniversary), I was okay on the actual day. I was a bit messed up afterward. It's going to fade. It will. Is there any way you can get your therapist back? I got a little weird after that last date passed and I had a meltdown in therapy and quit. It was only for two weeks, but I began to revert almost immediatley back into the numbness of the disconnect. It does have its surface benefits, but I felt so dead inside. Now that I know there is something else and I'm not used to living there anymore, I could not bear to stay there for too long. I will say though, it can seem like a blessing in small doses. Take care, Survivor. You are not alone. You know where to find me if you need support.

survivor said...

Thanks Lynn... you said everything I needed to hear. Thank you

Beachwriter said...

I am enjoying the read..your blog is wonderful and very interesting:)

I will be back...

survivor said...

Thanks beach

jumpinginpuddles said...

the thing is you made it and continue to make it even if you think you arent coping make it through each day says you are in your own way any way

The Missing Link said...

Hey Survivor... just a quick note to say I'm sorry I've been so out of commish... haven't really posted much in months. I haven't kept up w. your blog lately, but I will catch up soon. Just been busy with... well... surviving, I suppose :) I do think about you often, though, and am always wishing you all the love and support in the world.

Just wanted to check in to see how you were holding up.

Much Love,
ML

Anonymous said...

I'm in trouble. I wana talk to you.

a_sharma205@yahoo.co.in

amit said...

http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/pdf/CWBooklet_EndingofSorrow.pdf

I want you to read this.

with love.

survivor said...

Thanks JIP... good to have that reminder! :)

ML - You put a big smile on my face! Sooooo good to hear from you sweetie, it has been entirely too long! You are always in my thoughts. I hope you are doing good, surviving! I missed you and much love!

anon - I emailed you. I hope you are OK.

Thanks Amit, I'll give it a read