That little girl is gone.
She disappeared the day it happened.
What is left is insurmountable pain, sadness, anger and hate.
Incest and Child Sexual Abuse is such a taboo. It's rarely talked about. Victims are usually left to suffer in silence. If we do speak up, we are rarely heard, or believed.
I spent the whole of my childhood living in fear. Not understanding what I did to deserve this. Always trying to be the perfect daughter so maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't hurt me that night. I was Daddy's special girl, his favorite he used to tell me, that's why we have our secret play times, because I was special. I didn't want to be special, I didn't want to be his favorite, I didn't want to be hurt anymore.
I blame myself for being special. For being a beautiful, innocent little girl. Imagine being a child and wanting to die. Imagine saying your bedtimes prayers pleading with God, trying to make deals with God, offering him your dog so you can have just one night without being hurt. Now imagine those prayers not being answered.
I was just a little girl.